I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
