Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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