I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
