Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
