my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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