talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
