Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
