Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
