he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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