Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
