girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
