I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
