I cannot find my penis.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
