is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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