wanna go halves on a baby?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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