hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
