Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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