Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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