hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize