Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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