I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We need to rekindle our bromance
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize