Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
