my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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