You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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