fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
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