So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
