Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
