i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
They have beer where we have blood.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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