Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
