She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
