Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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