she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
