bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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