She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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