everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
sex in a hospital.. check
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
