Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
