you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
