You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize