I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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