Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
