I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
