they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
false alarm, still single
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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