the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
