Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
