Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
