you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
