her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
