just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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