I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
