Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
