I didn't shave. On purpose
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
this boner is exhausting
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
