Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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