lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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