I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize