all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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