I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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