i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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