My underwear smells like fireworks.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
