WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
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