First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize