oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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