my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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