o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
