it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
