a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
the raccoons are back...
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