Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
