All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
