I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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