I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
