I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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