found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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