If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
