Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
