FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
