So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
