Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
