I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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