I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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