He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
