heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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