You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize