For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
