And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
