just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
