She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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