you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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