I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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