i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
