i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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