He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
