First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
