I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
