you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
